I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
