small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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