shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
