the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Randomize
