I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
