You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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