I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
