he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
