moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
