You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
