She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
