he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
