But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i drank out of a bidet.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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