and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
