i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
