i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
