Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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