Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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