shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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