I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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