He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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