Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
