sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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