pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
