She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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