She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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