don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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