i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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