he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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