All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Green mimosas i think yes
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
