I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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