"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
