GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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