Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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