My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
