The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
