i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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