it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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