Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
