My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
