he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
