The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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