i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
