Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
