Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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