I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
soo... how was my night?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
