and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
