Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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