I skipped work to stalk him.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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