Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
