Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
