i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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